Dear Dating Queen,
This guy I’m seeing likes to have kinky sex and when I say kinky I mean he puts the M in S&M. My lover wants me to punish him, yell, slap, and even choke him during sex. I don’t understand why he likes it rough? When I ask him why he replies “Baby, it turns me on seeing a woman in control of me.” He’s a nice, sexy, respectable guy. He wines and dines me and opens doors for me but, my lover is way too kinky for me. What should I do?
-Unkinky Katherine.
Dear Unkinky Katherine,
Sex is very important in a relationship. It’s one of the ways we express our affection for one another. There are different strokes for different folks. One of the reasons why Masochists like rough sex is because they were disciplined harshly by their parent or guardian as a child. Don’t try to change your lover but, accept him the way he is. Have rough sex with him. How will you know what you might like if you don’t try it? As long as you’re safe and he’s safe and the two of you agree on a safety word, for example: “Red Light” meaning it’s getting too rough for me, stop, then you should be fine. Integrate some of the things you like to enjoy and communicate during your encounter. If after trying it you don’t like it, end it. It’s just that simple.
Why not try some form of couseling? If you have a great relationship with this guy and find all the other aspects of your relationship fulfilling, why not seek some sort of help with his sex issue? As a regular guy, I find great pleasure in intimate contact with my lover. Maybe this guy could learn to experience intimacy the way you enjoy it! Have him try your love style and see how he reacts. Life is a journey. We sometimes need to work harder at relationships if we really want to stay in one. It’s hard to find a good woman out there, so I’m sure he will do what he can to keep you.