In this world it is not what we take up,
but what we give up,
that makes us rich.
Henry Ward Beecher
Funny how “cravings” can get you into trouble!
Talked with a male friend who called to check on how I have been doing these days. After talking about generalities, our conversation drifted to a topic that has been our mutual attraction and our insatiable “craving.” For years, we have been drooling to be the first to buy and show off our new 750 IL BMW. His color, naturally, was blue and my dream color was a “hot” cranberry red.
Mama got class!
So, for nearly a decade, we have been “egging” one another and stroking each other’s egotism and uncontrollable appetite for buying that beautiful “dream” car. Each conversation was always filled with fantasized images of one of us driving around town feeling the ecstasy and exhilaration of owning that expensive car which, to many, symbolizes wealth, status, and success.
A pinky-promise sealed the deal between us as, over the years, we worked mightily to out maneuver the other one. Needless to say, a friendly competition turned fierce. I was determined not to let my male friend beat me in the purchasing of this prized possession. And, of course, my friend had the same amount of competitive spirit as he would not be “upstaged” by a female ally!
He won the bet!
Funny how “cravings” can get you into trouble!
Took my dad on a sight-seeing trip to look at some elegant homes in an exclusive gated community. Wanted him to view some houses where the “rich and famous” resided as I had a “craving” to upgrade from my “paid off” home to another one that announced that I was on the upper echelon of power, prominence, and prestige.
My dad’s editorialization “pissed” me off and severely punctured a hole into the imagery of me cascading down my Scarlett O’Hara stairway! Dad’s opinion was that my “paid off” house was equally impressive, stately, and just as charming as these “status” homes—if not better.
He inferred that I was a damn fool to trade my “paid off” home for another mortgage just to be next door to Mr. Pompous and Mrs. Pretentious. Dad further suggested that I had “lost my freaking mind” to be tempted to buy a 5000 square foot home just for three people, which would drop to two, because my daughter would be graduating from high school soon. He also wanted to know what was wrong with the 3200 square foot home that I currently lived in as he felt that he knew plenty of folks who would die to have my home, including him. Additionally, he said, that his math could not justify paying nearly a million dollars for an extra 1800 square feet of living space.
Finally, dad reminded me that as I “aged” I would regret trying to climb those “Gone With the Wind” stairs and would some day curse cleaning and maintaining those fancy, unused, and innumerable rooms. He further added that being in a gated community would still require that I pay an inordinate amount of monthly fees and assessments, infinitely, even after satisfying the darn mortgage. Pouring “salt onto an opened wound,” he ended our tour with deadpan sarcasm by asking, “Have you priced prescriptions lately?”
Didn’t buy Scarlett!
Funny how “cravings” can get you into trouble!
As I examined my life, I learned that I have made dozens and dozens of ridiculous decisions where I allowed “cravings” for material acquisitions to have the upper hand. Instead of operating rationally, I allowed my oppressed feelings of unworthiness to seize and take control of my emotions.
Upon further examination, I surmised that the root cause of my suffering was because of my repressed feelings that “something was missing in my life.” As a result, I was always in motion trying to satisfy it by buying an inanimate object, a shiny new toy, or by getting the latest and greatest contraption. It did not help that my urges or “cravings” reached its zenith when I constantly compared myself against my contemporaries. In my mind’s eye, I felt justified in intensifying my state of acquiring, buying, and collecting saga and habits as I had to satisfy that elusive itch.
Well, have you seen my closets?
How many shoes, purses, blouses, scarves, hats, coats, sweaters, pants, tee shirts, socks, and other “fashionable” apparel do I need to possess?
Have you seen my kitchen cabinets? How about my pantry?
Have you seen my cubbyholes?
Have you seen my chest-of-drawers?
Have you seen my garage?
Have you seen my library?
Have you seen my attic?
Have you seen my collectibles?
Have you seen my music collection?
Have you seen my art collection?
Have you seen my toiletries?
Have you seen my vanity?
Have you seen my shelves?
Have you seen my garden equipment and supplies?
Have you seen my collection of technological and electronic “must have” gadgets?
Have you seen my junk?
Have you seen my stuff?
Funny how “cravings” can get you into trouble!
My male friend was left dumbfounded, speechless, confused, as well as, astonished to learn of my lackadaisical attitude, my lukewarm interest, and my cool reception regarding the acquisition of his newly purchased BMW. I just regret that he was not on the receiving end when dad uttered one of the most profound and prolific statements which attributed to curing my “need for greed.”
Dad stated that at some point in one’s life we must learn to be “content.” If not, otherwise, we would always be chasing something or someone to fill our voids. For example, dad shared that once I purchased that million dollar house, he doubted my “cravings” would be satisfied. Consequently, I would always be in a state of flux by yearning for another million dollar house that was a little more attractive and little more prestigious than the last one.
Honestly, at the time, I was mighty “pissed” off with my dad as I felt that he was unfairly dousing hoo-doo on my “Martha Stewart” castle. I also thought that he could have been “housing” a pinch of jealousy as his “seed” had skyrocketed into financial stratosphere while he had not. However, upon further contemplation, any further thoughts of father-daughter jealousies or rivalries soon waned.
Dad’s insightful wisdom permeated throughout my soul when he mentioned that he did not think that “updating” the house was really the “driving force.” Instead of giving me his suppositions, dad challenged me to “dig” internally to ascertain why I had an insatiable appetite to needlessly accumulate, update, and replace!
Coming from the mouth of a recovering alcoholic, I had a reservoir of mixed emotions. Rewinding the tape, I pictured my dad having this identical dialogue with his soul decades ago. Although speculation on my part, I am guessing that was the day that he finally “awoke” from his alcoholic stupor and declared that “enough was enough.”
I also suspect that was why he could so impassionedly and poignantly relate to and succinctly address my “disease.” From personal experience, he had a “first hand account” on how often we use external means such as chemicals or trinkets to deaden and medicate our emotional pain. Dad used alcohol. I used things. According to him, “one drink is too much and all that I can drink is never enough!”
Hence, I am transformed. My pursuit to buy, buy, buy and spend, spend, spend is now gone-over-finished! Rarely, will you find me in retail stores losing my dime, losing my mind, or losing my time. Gosh, folks, how can I express to you that it is so liberating to know that, with a sprinkle of wisdom from dad, I was able to rescue myself from the demons of always indulging my “cravings” and wanting attachments to heal my emptiness, my loneliness, and my pain.
So, instead of “craving” for that $100,000 “dream” car, which by the way, would have required me to finance it for five years, I bought a $30,000 “dream” van with cash thus avoiding any installment plans, finance charges, and future costly repairs!
And, it is a (hot) cranberry red! (laugh out loud)
Mama got class!
It took years, but now I can claim VICTORY. Today, I have a sense of fulfillment and a degree of serenity as I no longer have the desires to replenish my “cravings.” Without a doubt, I am so much happier practicing and applying a life of simplicity.
Withdrawing from my “cravings” has allowed me to calibrate my scale and to make room for what I truly needed: elation inflation instead of recession depression!
Thanks, dad!
