When conducting Employment Law seminars, often cite Rev. Billy Graham’s protocol.
By all accounts, Rev. Graham was exceedingly handsome, irresistibly charismatic, suave, intelligent, and a vernacularly gifted person.
And, as a man, he knew the secret desires of human nature!
In other words, Graham was astute and well-versed to know that any woman, full of spirit and vigor, would have drooled to have engaged in a concealed tryst with him.
As such, avoiding any hints of slander, scandal, impropriety, disgrace of sacrilege, or unflattering situations, he dutifully followed the “rule of two” code of conduct whenever he met privately with guests and parishioners.
During all one-on-one meetings and visitations, Rev. Graham ALWAYS posted another individual within his office, home, and hotel, thereby, remaining one full step ahead of the devil.
Much of the same advice applies…
Hosted a business acquaintance at my home with the goal of rendering assistance to him as he frantically tried to navigate the throes of relocating to a new city.
Knew that this invitation would pass the “smell test” because my husband, daughter, and my best friend, Wesley, were festively enjoying dinner and dessert and I would not be meeting with “dude” singularly and alone.
Then fate and/or Lucifer entered the picture.
Due to circumstances beyond my business acquaintance’s control, he called to state that he would be arriving much later than he had anticipated. Normally, that would not have been problematic or a conflict, but on this particular night, my husband and daughter were scheduled to depart momentarily in order to attend a rehearsal.
Instinctively, and in a proactive stance, my husband quickly asked Wesley to remain with me until the meeting had concluded and Wesley had ensured that “dude” was out of our domicile and off of the premises!
He’s Taurus—–the bull—–need I say more?
Hehehehehehehehe!
Putting all teasing aside, Nick was astute and well-versed to know that any man, full of spirit and vigor, would have drooled to have engaged in a concealed tryst with me.
The airing of Bill Cosby’s dirty laundry and his friends’ reaction of disbelief coupled with his family’s denials regarding his sexual escapades and tête-à-têtes did not surprise me. As a victim and survivor of sexual assaults, my abusers were exceedingly handsome, irresistibly charismatic, suave, intelligent, and vernacularly gifted LIARS and CON ARTISTS, too!
Serial rapists and abusers are often unsuspecting smooth operators who are deceptively beloved “pricks” masquerading as distinguished stalwarts within the community!
Did exceedingly handsome, irresistibly charismatic, suave, intelligent, and a vernacularly lying (I mean) gifted Bill Cosby violate these women?
Besides God, only he and these women know for sure!
However, if asked, I can imagine Graham, Nick, and Wesley freely offering Cosby some of the following brotherly advice:
“Hey, Cos. In this litigious, personal vendetta, and gossipy society, famous or not, why risk character assassination?”
“And, Bonehead (we mean Bill). With the understanding that one’s reputation can be easily beguiled, wouldn’t you want to always take preventive measures at all times?”
We do!
Personally, it is Bill Cosby’s right and his prerogative to meet any woman within the confines of his home or hotel suite any day and at any time without us editorializing, speculating, and second guessing the genuine merits of said engagement.
However, I speak with strong conviction and the belief that any other reasonable married man or woman with nothing to hide would have unequivocally and wisely employed the “rule of two” code of conduct out of respect for his or her mate and for the protection of his or her posterior.
End of damn story!
On another note…
As a sexual abuse survivor, I am equally incensed that the naysayers always vehemently doubt the veracity of victims’ narratives especially as it pertains to this particular enquiring question—
“Why do victims wait so long to report the abuse?”
Long story short, I was nearly 40-years old when I “found” the courage to report that my step-father and paternal-preacher uncle raped me.
Unfortunately, time does not allow for me to discuss the horrific aftermath that I sustained.
But, know this for sure…
I went through years of degradation before discovering my “voice.” Now, no longer humiliated and ashamed, eventually I was able to peel layers of defecation and became empowered to finally report the crime—-nearly 35-years after the initial abuse.
Bottom-line, folks, it takes an unspecified amount of TIME for the victims to slowly summon the inward stamina to “come to terms” with the abuse, stigma, and abusers. Sadly, it takes an inordinate amount of TIME to have subsided in order for the victims to feel safe enough to vocalize the hurt, the pain, and the shame.
Meanwhile, until and unless you have walked a mile in our sexual abuse moccasins, please do me a favor?
Either be supportive or “Shut the hell up!”
