This was definitely NOT the blog that I had intended to write today but after a massive amount of self reflection following an incident that would leave MOST people angry and frustrated, I decided to share my feelings and what I learned about my upgraded outlook with the world.
Imagine losing a one hundred dollar bill!
Yes!
Lost! Gone! Never to come back!
Imagine the feelings of frustration and animated thoughts that rush your mind when you attempt to backtrack your steps in order to hopefully retrieve your lost funds……
Imagine the diminishing feelings of denial as you cling to a dying hope that you WILL find it in a moment or two that actually will NEVER arrive!
You begin to tally up what you had to do to earn your lost cash and become a mathematical wiz, saying things to yourself like: “I had to work “X” amount of hours to make that money!” or “There goes my trip to the Sushi restaurant this week” or whatever special personal indulgence that you may deem
extremely pleasurable……
What frustrating thoughts to have indeed! Not only that, you have no one to blame for your carelessness BUT you! Being angry at oneself is NOT a good feeling at all! Then you begin to fantasize about what it was like for that lucky person who found your money. You think of the times that YOU may have found someone else’s lost cash and how you immediately wanted to go and splurge on something that your present budget previously never allowed.
Then hopefully after a while you accept it and try to move on from the loss…….
But in these tough times it just isn’t so easy to do!
Well, to be honest, that was a fair assessment of what I went through earlier today. The funny part is that I was just handed BACK that one hundred dollar bill from a coworker who borrowed it from the previous week. So although it was mine, it felt like I had extra because someone else physically placed it in my hand.
This was the beginning of my work day so my mind was on so many other things as I walked out to the bus depot yard to get the bus that was assigned to me by my supervisor. So I could have dropped it in the yard or even on the empty bus as I went down the checklist of items that I had to sign off on before I actually took the bus from the yard and into actual operation. So it could have been at ANY of those points but ONE thing is for sure, it wasn’t in my left pants pocket where I placed it anymore.
Left pants pocket and not in your wallet?
Yes, you know how a person pays you your money back discreetly in a handshake (Because what the both of you did as far as your private transactions is no one else’s business!) in the presence of others, you both do
this in a way to save the “face” of the borrower as you feel mighty and empowered because you were ABLE to loan them this money. So when it hit my hand I quickly put it out of sight but when I felt for it later it was GONE!
Come to think of it, the I-Phone that I keep in my hand and eyesight as though my life depended on it was the culprit! Now if you have been keeping up with Scurv’s online expressions for any stretch of time then you KNOW how I practically LIVE online 24/7. I lost that money when I went to pull my phone OUT of my pocket!
I KNOW myself and I KNOW that’s how I lost it!
But it’s gone forever now and let me tell you the beauty of it all……..
All that day as I drove my bus and studied the individual characteristics of the various people who boarded the bus it dawned on me as I gazed into the sky how miniscule I am as a part of this mighty universe that my God has created. The sky possessed so many majestic clouds today and behind them was such a beautiful clear blue sky with absolutely NO winds what so ever.
Here I am a tiny part of this massive creation, at THIS moment of time with the gift of life, the gift of health, the gift of having a job in these rough financial times, the gift of a beautiful home to come too after work, the gift of a nice vehicle to take me where EVER I want to go, the multiple gifts, talents and abilities that God has blessed me with that has allowed me to gain the honor of knowing YOU who are reading these words and ALL I could have thought about earlier was a measly one hundred dollars?
It hit me hard that the one hundred dollars that I was stressing over was NOTHING compared to what I so richly possessed because of the loving God that I serve! That money can’t wake me up in the morning if our God doesn’t ordain my presence for that new day! That money couldn’t purchase ONE more split second if our ALMIGHTY God commands my life to be over! That money doesn’t keep me breathing while I sleep at night when I am totally oblivious to all happenings around me! And that money or ANY amount for that matter couldn’t purchase a place in the Book Of Life if I have been living a wayward life of sin and breaking divine commandments!
WOW!
That money doesn’t seem to be all that I thought it was after all.
And then another thought hit me.
Since our God gave me the health and strength that enabled me to earn what I earn financially everyday, then it really doesn’t belong to me at ALL now doesn’t it? How DARE I lay claim to something that was on LOANED to me anyway! Since everything that transpires in this world is something that our Creator permits for one reason or another, who am I to QUESTION what He wants to do with HIS money anyway? Hey, it may have a presidents face on it and be accepted as Government property but understand that this arrogant
worldly system will NEVER acknowledge the Author of it all by the way that THEY act as a God beside God. But WE who have been blessed with the insight, awareness, humble spirit and mindset to put it all into perspective MUST give all credit to whom all credit and praises are due! Now matter WHAT your religion and spiritual stance/positioning/reasoning may call Him, it is ALL part of the same divine system no matter HOW you slice it!
So!
That being said, with ALL that God has blessed me with, maybe there was someone who was about to have their lights cut off, lights that were necessary for an obedient child to study by to elevate and make a better life for themselves and their family. Maybe there was a mother who needed medication for her baby, and that one hundred dollars was possibly put in her hand to save a life that I NEVER knew existed! Maybe there was a child’s birthday this weekend coming up, and their mother was just too broke to reward a good child with an esteem boosting acknowledgment of their special day. Maybe it was to put food on someone’s table. Maybe it was taken out of my hand to be put in someone else’s hand to help them get back and forth to work that next week until payday comes or maybe it was all that was needed to add onto someones rent to keep them sheltered and to avoid a very embarrassing situation that would have caused a domino effect of many other issues in their life!
Praise God! I lost one hundred dollars!
Now you understand my emotions?
And I lie to you not, with a bus FULL of passengers, my eyes teared up almost to the point where tears ran down my face! I had to hold it back! To realized how much I was blessed by the minor loss of some cash was well worth the temporary discomfort that I experience earlier. It was worth it because it also dawned on me that I must truly be blessed if I could lose a hundred dollars and not even feel it except for that ego bruising that I took!
No! I am NOT a rich man financially by a LONG shot but there are so many of us who feel that if their home doesn’t resemble those multi million dollar homes showcased on television that they are not blessed! At least you have a roof over your head and a door to lock to protect you from all predatory elements of the streets at night!
You are not laying up in the hospital nor are you on the curb and I am willing to bet that you arent TOO far away from some food if you feel the urge to put something down in your stomach.
And last but not least, how bad COULD you have it if you have an internet connection that you are maintaining
in order to read these words that you are reading?
The internet is definitely something you need to keep to survive like a plate of hot food so consider yourself BLESSED!
Tomorrow is not promised nor is it guaranteed but at this very moment YOU…..yes I am talking to YOU….you need to look UP and drop to your knees and THANK OUR FATHER for all that He has given us!
He brought me back from the BRINK when there was a time in my life a few short years ago when I lost it ALL!
I lost everything! Job, relationship, car and status and was the laughing stock of the whole town! But it was only the will of my Creator who has brought me back from riding a bicycle to work in the rain, pride hurt, hungry with no lunch money to living the BEST that I have ever lived in my ENTIRE LIFE over and ABOVE with blessings running over!
Come to think of it, if I my so called “loss” could have made a difference in someone’s life like that, my only regret is that it wasn’t a THOUSAND DOLLARS OR MORE!!!!
Praise God, I Just Lost 100 Dollars Today!
And with THAT being said I HAVE to say that with ALL of the blessings rained down upon my life on this Saturday June 26 of 2010, being the middle man for God to bless someone else’s life SURE HAS ITS PRIVILEGES!!!!
P.S: June 26th 2010 is the fourth year anniversary of me being hired by my job! So every year after this as a righteous practice, I will give away one hundred dollars to whomever our God instructs me to bless!
Thank you for taking the time to read my testimony……….
Please share it, e-mail it, reprint it or send this link to whoever may need to read this, you ALWAYS have my perpetual open ended permission to do so!
Wow, i just lost 100 dollars today which was part of my b-day money (turned 17) and i was so mad at myself for it! But this post kinda helped me..im not as upset at myself as earlier. But it still sucks..i juzt hope whoever cound it needed it way mire than i did. Because honestly i was only going to get a couple clothes with it.. anyway thanks.
I lost $100 in a parking lot. The urge to drive back and search for it was overwhelming. I was in constant thought of what I could have used that money for. My daughter told me, “Mom, maybe a homeless person found it. ” I paused a moment to reflect on the face of the person who found it. That image is still engraved in my memory and helps me to realize that dropping that $100 bill was all part of God’s plan……to help someone who was in more need than myself. God then led me to read your story. Thank you for sharing and for keeping me focused on what truly matters in life.
Thank you so much for this article. I needed it. I lost 200 dollars today and I am still not sure how it happened. Praise be to God, alhamdulillah, that God guided me to read this article… I am indeed being ungrateful to the Creator, to the Sustainer and Cherisher of the worlds. Everything I have belongs to Him, and everything will return to Him. He is the best planner, and we need to have faith and be patient! Thank God for everything I have!
Thank you for this story. Today, I lost a hundred dollar bill from my pocket – I think while pulling my phone out. We are struggling with money and so I have been beating myself up. Your article made me feel that at least there might be some good out of it.
I find myself complaining and crying to my husband because i feel we lack luster….Before my kids i used to be all about me, so naturally i looked and felt great about myself i had material things and no responsibility so i had enough time to “get ready”…. money was never and issue i would go out and sleep until 7 the next day and do it all over again. (i also live in las vegas so that may give you an idea of how drastic i was)…..I mean like i was seriously what i now consider to be mentally ill…drugs gang violence and all that comes in between I used to be high as a kite carrying a 45 caliber weapon on my person and would randomly shoot this weapon off into the sky for no reason i would shoot freeway signs and point guns at people just to see the expression on their face…. i had no boundaries and no idea how precious life was.
and i am ashamed of myself…..
Basically in a nut shell i didnt care i didnt know i didnt see i didnt have and i didnt want…….
Kinda rewinding off track here but I do have a childhood friend who i have always considered “best friends” He would tell me when we were younger (before i turned into that girl i just mentioned) how he wish people would see me the way he does we were truly good friends i once had a good heart i didnt care about my looks i didnt have interest in material things i wasnt tough i wasnt rude….. but this was a time in my life i was truly happy i had empathy i had awareness i had energy i had “friends” even had people who looked up to !! and they told me! ….i was a little on the chubby side and a bit awkward at that moment of my life but i was never happier then that time and to be honest i never noticed my flaws…..i could not wait to wake up the next day and had everything set for my new day. I had a SOUL….
The reason i mention this friend of mine is because he turned into a complete man of GOD when we were younger he got into alot of trouble and a couple of times i aided in or was a part of it..i was close enough to his family that his mom even scolded me like she was my mom and because i was a few years older then him she felt i shouldve known better……but we were just being kids to be honest it was small potatoes compared to what i consider to be “bad” but it was enough for him to turn himself around and leave that path….
Once when i went to jail i forgot i was in jail…..i was having a dream of him hugging me in a white room telling me it was going to be ok…..and boom i woke up in a cell…..occasionally on fb he would ask me to join him in church and once i went….i went and i made him cry and his friends ask me why i was bullying him but i wasnt ….you want to know why i made him sad? i asked all the wrong questions…at least i see that now….
as for him he is currently away studying to be a priest
my storys a long one so ill try and cut it short…..
i know i jump from here to here but i have alot to say and no one to say it to…
until today…..
I put everything behind me i gained a million pounds and lost everything i ever had. (more then once)
I understand and I see and feel WHAT A TRUE STRUGGLE IS. Im talking no car no money weather temperature hitting 110+! stuck on a bus for 50% of my day…. I been on that curb i been gawked at like an animal ive carried those 10 bags up 3 flights of stairs…i pushed that cart of clothes down many blocks just to do laundry…. pregnant…
..I cried and i cried and i cried when i found out I was going to have a baby I wasnt ready i was scared and vain! Worried about my body and what my friends might think lol…what friends?
Its not until today that i can truly say my KIDS saved my life….I love my kids i MEAN i just love them i cry at the thought of how beautiful life is its so fucking sad! mind my language!!! its so beautiful yet so sad its sad because its not granted and its beautiful because it just is….The colors the laughs the smiles the tastes the feelings the bonds the music the SOUL in the air!
I wish i wouldve known then what i know now……
Ok so maybe youre wondering how does this all pertain….
in a nut shell i cried i was given i sought i saw i lost and cried and after reading this smiled and realized.
basically !! it happened to me too….!!
sure i still struggle trying to be a good person whole hearted i try
and sometimes back track…
but its days like this i find myself TWO steps forward….
ps. once when i was struggling for money literally looking for it…i was driving with no license or insurance i veered off the street because of a cop and pretended to wait for an atm…when the car in front of me moved i moved forward to pretend i was taking money …and guess what…5 crisp 20 dollars bills came out…went back in…and came back out again 🙂