Relationships these days seem to be so tough to maintain after the honeymoon phase is over. So many issues lie dormant and are usually not addressed until they arise and much to the shock of both parties involved, it’s often too much to handle.
Even if we get past our decades long personal issues that held us in emotional captivity, we still must strike a balance in the melding of the two entirely different personalities that hopefully truly love each other.
Not to sound pessimistic, but even if one conquers the vast array of internal hurdles that work against having you join together in one accord, you then have to deal with the external stresses that will surely come at you once it is known publicly that you both have committed to being a couple.
Why do you think many celebrity couples keep the world out of their business when they made the move to get married or even merely date each other?
The spiritual vampires are lurking about on every level ready to devour the beautiful union between two people and it doesn’t matter if you are a world famous personality or not. Do you think because you live a so called normal “under the radar” life that you won’t encounter the same obstacles that the rich and famous have to deal with?
Think again!
Now I am not saying that the same paparazzi that will run down Will Smith or Oprah Winfrey will pay you any mind but believe me, you will soon feel the presence of your assigned meddlers once they feel that you are enjoying a modicum of happiness within your relationship beyond the grasp of their nosy negative clutches!
And most often those who are revealed to be the biggest haters were in actuality many times were those who were closest to you with the biggest “cheesiest” smile on their faces acting “so happy for the both of you!”
Now while it would be a complete waste of your precious energy trying to figure out one by one who is a genuine friend or not, there are a few things you can do to insure peace of mind without dissipating the energy that you could spend showering your mate with even more love and affection.
In actuality, a true friend will be understanding enough to give you the necessary extra space in order to allow you to settle in with your new life partner. Yet at the same time nothing should change in your friendship with this person except for the slightly altered times that you used to spend with each other.
Now many of us have one or two close friends (that may be one or two too many! Lol!) that we usually “tell ALL of the juicy details” of our intimate liaisons with that new love interests. While most of the time it may not go any further than that person, I myself have personally experienced speaking in passing to a woman to whom I thought I was meeting for the first time yet she knew ALL of the intimate details of what freakishness I did and what perversions I liked in a previous relationship with one of her close girlfriends many years earlier!
I was amazed and somewhat embarrassed……..
Well number one I shouldn’t have been dippin’ the wick in the wax before marriage ANYWAY if we want to get technical about it, but that being said you have to be extremely careful to whom you share your booty call escapade stories with!
Why?
Well let’s put it this way, although the passage of time had not eroded her memory of my private days and nights of passion and the expressions thereof, she also most likely has used the mere thought of what she knew that has transpired behind closed doors with her friend and I (and maybe a parked car or public park after dark!) as fuel for her private masturbatory thoughts and visuals and truly desired to make those intense displays of passion that gossip made her privy to, very much a present reality between the both of us in a very urgent manner.
I knew this by the coy seductive glance that I received from her while for no reason other than the obvious she quickly slipped me her phone number and told me to call her that night because she was totally free and had nothing at all to do and would really enjoy my company……..
………and although I was coming toward the end of my designated wilder days and may have considered the offer that had now literally dropped in my lap, I now remembered who this young lady was if my memory served me well, the 350 pounds that she had acquired in the ten years or so that I had briefly seen her in the company of my old booty call friend, was definitely not appetizing and on the menu at all as well as that vast lawn of unshaven chin hair that threatened to make the Biblical prophet Moses look like a young school boy, happy for the almost undetectable budding prepubescent chin fuzz that he now possessed to make him appear older……….
And you KNOW Moses had a full beard!
Now do you see how a loose lip can sink ships if someone is all up in your “bidness?”
Now what if she chose to act in this manner when I was seeing her friend? If her intentions were discovered then it could have gotten messy as this was a violation of her trust and also blatant lack of respect! So many individuals are locked up in the county jail at this very moment because they got caught as they attempted to act on the urges they secretly possessed that were cultivated from hearing the juicy intimate details from their friends on how “good it was the night before and how good their lover is as well as what they like to do!”
So it only goes to show you that you need to do a little house cleaning from time to time because we can accumulate some very strange entities in our lives that may not have our best interests in mind.
But on the other hand I have personally in the span of my lifetime observed literally hundreds of loving, supportive and respectful friendships between friends that have endured the transition from the euphoria of finding a new mate to the devastating personal breakups that one has had to endure and all the while their friends were there to help them through and anchor their lives in ways like no other!
I have also observed friends like this that will treat you better than family ever did, especially when it came to giving sincere “untainted” advice or just being that supportive “rock” to stand on during the rough times. So I do know of the wonderful unions between friends that can be a Heaven sent and divine support where once there was none.
So you never know where on the spectrum your friendships will fall in when you have the luxury of viewing them from the position of hindsight.
To see one of your closest girlfriends turn out to be a hater in your life is a hurtful thing, especially when you would have expected them to be happy for you with your new love interest.
All I can say realistically as advice to anyone who would not want to find themselves feeling this type of disappointment in their lives is to truly KNOW the people that you call your friends BEFORE your special love interest comes along and if you already have that special person on lock in your life then keep those two factions of your life separate for a time while you SLOWLY introduce them to each other in small measured increments.
Observe your friend’s reactions to the various situations that this life will put them in. Reactions tell more about a person’s character than staged actions. Notice their comments on the different things you talk about to know if they have a high moral character or if they are void of any righteous values what so ever.
The bottom line is to know them in and out before you can trust any woman around your man. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, corny as the saying may seem it fits this topic better than any other that I can think of. Keep it constantly on your lips……….
By: Lance Scurvin
