Sunday, July 1st my parents, Dr. Vibert White, Sr., and Mrs. Lorraine D. White celebrated 63 years of marriage. It was a milestone that sadly few of us, the younger set, will enjoy. My parents represented an era where Black families suffered, labored and worshipped together to maintain the clan. In spite of harsh pressures such as blatant racism, housing discrimination, unemployment, and unchecked police brutality Black couples remained together as a means of continuing the cultural lineage of Black family togetherness.
My parents, Vibert Sr., an immigrant from Costa Rica and mother, Lorraine a second generation African-American/Haitian were carving out a new consciousness of norms. That is, a new style, a new Black American that emerged who beamed with confidence, assertiveness, and boldness that told White America that they are no longer underpinnings to be exploited and used. In Harlem and throughout New York, as well as other cities such as Chicago, Detroit, Cleveland and Jacksonville to name a few, African-Americans had created major commercial businesses like hotels, insurance companies, restaurants, and banks; while also developing a professional community of lawyers, educators and physicians. The strong sense of self and confidence displayed by African-Americans generated a lightning bolt that electrified people of African descent throughout the world. However, the pillar of this strength and consciousness was the Black family.
Now, contrary to reactionary elements and critics of the race; African-Americans have always, until recently, strove to build traditional family units. For instance, after slavery and the end of the Civil War former slaves searched aggressively to locate lost and displaced family members; they also sought out ministers and public servants to legalize their marriages. Thus, by the 1950s it was normal in Black America to have a nuclear family; that is, a father and mother in the home. However, in the midst of this normalcy a quiet and ugly seed began to surface—the break-up of the Black family.
In 1939 African-American sociologist E. Franklin Frazier published the epic book, The Negro Family in the United States. In light of the strength of the Black family he noticed several tendencies that had developed that chipped away at the core of the family structure. He argued that the African-American family is a highly developed unit that is based on environmental social norms. He observed that many of the core ingredients that kept the family intact have started to crumble. Therefore, he maintained, that if the family structure died the result would be the death of the Black community. Now, unlike my parents and other traditional families the core fabric of the Black family structure has evaporated.
For instance, I was raised in an economically poor structure that was rich in traditional culture, religion, conservative morality, aggressive educational tendencies and ingenuity. Let’s go by the numbers. 1. Traditional culture—in our home we embraced the heritage of three societies; Costa Rican, Haitian and African-American. Our family constantly discussed the political, social and economic issues that concerned our race and family. One of my parent’s favorite discussions concerned the ideals Adam Clayton Powell, Jr., Martin Luther King, Jr., and Malcolm X. 2. Religion—the church was the stage for biblical study, community involvement, and leadership development. Again, in our home we openly discussed the paradox, and important issues of Christianity. In addition, my parents, also rich in the traditional patterns of African worship such as Santeria encouraged us to accept and love the spirituality of our heritage. 3. Morality—our home was based on decency and fair play. My parents never used profanity; they never used the word “lie.” There was a basic respect for the home environment and every member in the family understood the moral cultural fabric of the clan. That is, stealing, cheating, lying was not tolerated due to our belief in the Golden Rule, “Don’t do onto others that you don’t want done to you.” Also the moral cultural fabric linked the family as a perpetual chain. That is, everyone had a job to do. If one of the links are broken it has a negative effect on the entire unit. 4. Aggressive Educational Tendencies—education was a constant drive and mission. Our home was filled with a variety of books and magazines. Our lessons stemmed from observing my parents constantly reading, studying and writing. Therefore, the educational process was normal. No one had to tell me when or how to study; it just happened. Also, I went to school with a positive attitude that I was not just equal to white students; but, actually better. Therefore, as my parents worked their way through college; it was expected that I would attend a college and do well. 5. Ingenuity—my mother often received surplus government food. We seldom had extra money for snacks such as candy and pop. Thus, the matriarch of the clan made candy; hard, chocolate, or sour—it did not matter. In addition, she brewed root beer pop in the basement. Her creativity also allowed her to find uses for normally discarded foods. For instance, the juice from collard greens was reworked for a wonderful and nutritional drink; mustered green juice was used for washing your face; unused bread was used for stuffing. The point, creativity helped to keep the family intact.
My parents did not cry, blame, or looked for hand-outs in tough times. My father and mother never stayed home and whimpered that they did not have a job or money. Instead, in depressed times they used their faith in God and love for each other to create avenues for the upkeep, protection, and continuum of the family. They had a racial and humanistic pride that said they are responsible to each other and the family they made.
Today, my father is 91 while my mother is 86. They still get up at 6:00 a.m.; my father drives to his office and checks on his employees and store every day. My mother like clockwork prepares break-fast, visits her brother and volunteers at nursing homes; she too still drives. Indeed, like most Americans the economy has hit them very hard; but, they don’t cry or bend. They understand that love and family responsibility in a life long journey. The thesis of beautiful longevity is the age old treatise—“all you need is love, respect, and God.” In that, all things are possible. There is something that the younger set can learn from old lovers like my parents. It is not about the bling, or new definitions of family-hood. It is about love, respect and tradition. That is why my parents are still in love and still responsible—63 years and still counting. Happy Anniversary—With Love.
The Truth Teller
Dr. Vibert White
